


Contemplation

by Hanelli



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 14:58:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17226158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanelli/pseuds/Hanelli
Summary: Another year on the calendar. He thinks back on that life-changing decision he'd made when he turned sixteen.





	Contemplation

Lonely.

It was always lonely.

Especially during this particular day of the year.

Oftentimes he’d go out for a bit, pick up a few things to eat, and then make his way back home to the small apartment he currently lived in. Spend the rest of the day in silence. Not even the antics of his cat would entertain him. It was always like this.

He knew he had no friends, nobody to contact. He’d lost contact with his sisters a few years ago after he’d moved out, saying that he didn’t need to be buried underneath their parents’ overbearing, suffocating presence. How Katya and Natalya managed to maneuver around the minefield that was their parents on a daily basis was his guess, but he couldn’t stand it. Especially not when he’d plucked up the courage to come out to them and tell everyone that he wasn’t as straight as they believed.

He knew he’d been disowned, their parents were the stubborn, old-school kind of people who refused to understand and be more open about themselves—stating that they’d grown up in a different time, a different era. _Times change,_ he thought bitterly as he stared outside the window. It was snowing again.

 _Times change, people change… well, most people change but not all of them. After I said what I had to say, I knew. I just knew that they wouldn’t accept me anymore…_ he continued to himself, reaching to one side and randomly picking up the journal he’d left there and checking if the pen was inside it. Thankfully, it was. Flipping through the pages, he sighed—all of them were dated today, the 30th of December; which was also his birthday. How long had it been since he had this? Flipping back to the first entry, he read it with tired eyes.

_That didn’t go too well. Maybe it was a mistake telling them about it. I’ve already done it, though. Now I’m very sure things aren’t going to be the same again. I guess it’s time to get out of here… they’re not speaking with me. I’ve made up my mind to leave a few days from now. I know I have enough…_

“It’s still the same, you know,” he said to nobody in particular. Turning the pages forward, he came upon another entry, dated a few years later.

_It’s hard juggling studies and a part-time job. But ever since I’d moved out, I knew that I had to do everything on my own. I don’t know how Katya and Natalya manage it, being around them. While I **am** thankful for the upbringing, the way that they treated me was too strict. I know they’re trying to look for me. I have to leave._

“How long has it been since I moved here,” he mused to himself, before hearing a little mewling noise against his ankles. Looking down, he picked up the gray cat, letting the feline settle in his lap.

“I don’t know, Ilya…” he continued, scratching behind the cat’s ears as he continued reading the rest of the entries. “You think it’s too quiet?” he asked the feline, and heard a little mewling noise in return as the cat began licking his fingers. “Are you hungry?”

Another meowing noise.

“Alright, alright, I’ll get your food,” he said, letting the feline jump off his lap and head right toward his food bowl in the kitchen. He left the diary open on the couch and made his way to said kitchen, looking for cat food and finding one unopened can in the cupboard.

The stark contents of his cupboard reminded him that it was time to go on another supply run, and he made a mental note of that as he opened the can and then crouched down, emptying the contents into the bowl. Once he left the cat alone to eat, he made his way back to the couch, picking up the diary and continuing to read the rest of the entries in it.

_Working more than one job is a nightmare. But I have to keep going. I had to put my studies on hold so I can save up enough money… it’s insane, the cost of education. No wonder all these other people I meet have it so good, they have parents to help provide for them. But I chose to break off from them. I wonder how they are now, my sisters. It’s been a while since I heard from them…_

“I wonder, indeed,” he hummed, looking over at the cat, who was still eating from the bowl. Flipping through more pages, he came upon one of the more recent entries, written just last year.

_I had to move again. Rent is too expensive. I managed to find an apartment, who knew it came with the cat? I named him Ilya. Who knows what names he’s had before? At least the landlord was nice enough to tell me about the cat… and I don’t mind having a pet around the place._

It ached inside, living alone. He knew that choice he’d made on his sixteenth birthday was one he would never regret, but at the same time striking out on his own had its own reservations. How long had it been now? A decade? Maybe more?

“You’re thirty today, Vanya, why are you having an existential crisis now,” he chuckled to himself, picking up the pen and shaking it, before settling down and adding another entry to the journal.

Sometimes the loneliness was too much, but he quite liked being able to think out loud, or have conversations with his cat.

And nothing else could top the feeling of being free.


End file.
